Since my first production, everyone has been calling me kungfu kid, but even till now, people still call me kungfu kid. All along, everyone within and without the entertainment circle has been telling me: you still lack a work, you still lack a chance. It happened that there was a slump in Hong Kong film industry after Tai Chi 2, I was approached by 7 scripts, but they weren’t realised due to financial issues. It’s 15 years already, yet, regrettably, I still do not have a something called a representative work.
I don’t wish to blame it on fate, bad timing, or Heaven for making a spot of me. But, to be at my current age, time indeed doesn’t freeze for me. Since going to Hong Kong 7 years ago, I have tried all kinds off roles, whenever there is an opportunity, I have never given up once. But, every field has its own set of rules and regulations. Hong Kong is very practical, if you have the name, you’ll get infinite film offers, otherwise, no one would bother about you. Whatever it is, I’m a Beijinger through and through, to have me hiding behind one after another new set of clothes playing a nice Hong Kong lad over a long time, I feel that I have lost my bearing.
Yu Rongguang told me, it’s very difficult for a Mainlander to blend into HK entertainment scene, you’d have to make many many sacrifices, and you have to be very careful and humble socially.
The past few years, I have wished to live life in a more frank manner, but in Hong Kong, there are many restrictions, like you mustn’t wear the same clothes, in which you make an appearance, twice, but the firm won’t help newcomers acquire clothes, where do you think I would have so much money to buy clothes. There are all kind of don’ts, don’t do this, don’t do that, don’t sit on the kerb to stretch yourself when you’re tired from filming, don’t wear shorts. You have to present yourself in a squeaky clean image, to me, in my heart, all these are crap.
I had been recalcitrant, and did whatever things I want. But I also knew that, you’ve just arrived in people’s territory, you definitely had to abide by the rules of their game, especially when you had no power, no rights to talking.
I seek my own path, without harming or stealing from anyone, why couldn’t I live life according to my own style? Perhaps, if I could let go, I might have made breakthrough myself already.
I’m not suitable to be in the circle, for actors have to know how to seek fame and popularity. When the tabloids reporters surround you, they would ask who you are seeing. Many people would use them to generate buzzes, what a load of crap. While promoting City Under Siege, a Malaysian reporter kept asking, could you and Zhang Jing Chu be together? Would you mind developing your relationship further? Asking all these the whole day long, don’t you think it’s vexing? Even if I don’t mind scandals, what do you think she, as a girl, could do? Wouldn’t her name be smeared? There’s a problem with the society’s direction on the whole.
A martial arts star, and actor, opening the vulnerability in the heart, would not be able to even withstand one blow. In this world, not just women need a shoulder to cry, when we guys are braving the world outside, our hearts would long for a peaceful coast too. I do not know if my other half would be someone from the circle, I just know that subconsciously, I’m longing for a reality. This kind of loneliness is something anyone else cannot see.
An actor’s focus is ultimately his works. Sometimes, I feel that I’m over ambitious, hoping that my career would reach a certain height, and receive recognition. Ambition is abstract, faintly more uninhibited than the goal you set.
I believe that, you have to make sacrifices to fulfil your ambition, such as generating some buzzes. But to sell myself, I simply couldn’t do it.
“Then, how could I realise my dreams?” I ask.
I have external strength, while inner strength is lacking a little bit, if the goal is more distinct, and gives me a push, I would know what to do.
So, I’ve decided to return to my homeland, to seriously ponder things over. I don’t wish to live my life behind a certain fixed front, even if I trained myself till I’m swarthy and lanky, so what? Farewell, pale face scholar, I want to see, if I could summon a primitive impulsive deep within my heart, could I be a soldier?
I have no idea since when, people draws a clear distinction between movie stars and TV stars. Those who are in the film industry, would try their best not to touch TV series. Actually, this has put me at a loss, especially after I met novelist/director/script writer Liu Meng, he invited me to star in his TV series, I really hesitated a bit.
Then, one late night, when Chen Kaige’s Farewell to My Concubine was airing, Yang Xiaolou says to Cheng Dieyi, “You have to allow your own self accomplish your own wishes.”
This line was like splashing cold water on me, drenching me thoroughly.
It has long been my wish to be a soldier since young, and now that I have a chance to act as a solder, what’s there to hesitate? Why bother if it’s movie or TV series, as long as you get to convey the artistic image you wish, what celebrity halo, as long as you could do what you desire, you’re a successful actor. It’s most fortunate in life to be able to fulfil your own wishes. Didn’t you say I’m lacking representative work, opportunity? This is something that I have to help myself fulfil.
I wish to be a soldier, and so I be one. This is happiness.
Everyone has some form of struggles that belong to them in their heart, so do I. After the struggle, seeing myself for clearly, this is a lucky matter. I struggle to accord my self with the clarity to see path and life I wish to take.